I started this blog when my daughter left for college as an outlet for all the emotions I was feeling. So much has happened since then. So much more about to happen. I’ve crossed the Atlantic in a gorgeous new cruise ship, twice! I’ve been given added responsibilities at work. I’ve finished writing a book – one draft of it at least. I’ve finally had the landscaping done and will shortly put the house on the market.
When I think of all that’s happened, it feels like eight years not four. However when I imagine my daughter out in the world, finding (hopefully) a job, an apartment, friends, lovers and creating a life wholly separate from mine, it all seems to be happening too soon.
Like it or not, her college years will soon be behind her and everything else ahead. I’m proud of her and all she’s accomplished and happy for her. As I wait for her to walk across the stage to get her degree, all that happiness will be running down my face, likely taking my newly acquired false eyelashes with it.
I can’t even think about the graduation ceremony without becoming teary. I thought about watching back to back to back tear jerker movies in an attempt to deplete my tear supply but I somehow think even that will fail to stem my waterworks. I’m a crier. Some women weep some don’t. I’m among the former. I really wish I didn’t cry. I’m not attractive when I cry – is anyone? My face turns splotchy red and my already too small eyes diminish further into two bloodshot dots somewhere below my mostly non-existent eyebrows. This is not the image I want to leave my daughters’ friends and their parents with. I want them to see an attractive woman, who looks much too young to have a college graduate daughter. We all want to look younger than we are and if you say you don’t – I’m saying right here and now that you’re lying!
Out of vanity I will do my best to control my emotions. I will bring plenty of kleenex and think happy thoughts. I hope that I will be able to swallow away that lump in my throat and blink back the tears – just as I did when I delivered her to that college those few short years ago. As was the case back then, there will be time to cry as I drive myself to the airport for the flight home, without her.