Days of Awe

There’s an aspect of Hesbhon haNefesh, an accounting of the soul or more more colloquially, a self evaluation, which involves surrender. Taking a leap of faith that involves risking everything and trusting in a greater power to make sure everything works out, eventually.

I met someone recently who left her home in Australia and moved to London. She didn’t have a job waiting for her or friends or even contacts but she went anyway. Things turned out well but she didn’t end her journey there. She left London and came to Los Angeles. Again, without a hint of a safety net she leapt into the abyss. As if twice wasn’t enough, she’s about to do it again. Leave behind friends, a great job, everything she’s worked hard to achieve to see what life has in store for her in NY.

Now hers is an extreme case but many other people I know have taken chances. Most when they were young when, admittedly, there is less to lose. They said goodbye to everyone they knew and loved, got into a late model hand me down car and drove from whatever town they came from to find their future in the big city.

I’m a play it safe kind of a person. I’ve never even contemplated living in another zip code let along another country. When I finally do leave Los Angeles it’ll be with a fat retirement egg in my basket and a well formulated plan.

That’s just who I am. It doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in or trust the big guy/gal only that I don’t trust him/her enough. And maybe he/she counts on some of us looking after ourselves so he/she doesn’t have to.

Still at this time of year, as the holidays approach I wonder if each day isn’t a surrender to some higher power. Just getting up in the morning and believing you’re going to make it to the end of that day takes a hell of a lot of faith. My Heshbon haNefesh? I plan for the future. It’s not a major leap, but it’s the only one I’m prepared to make.

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